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Monday, December 20, 2010

Christmas 2010....

Deeper thoughts....It's another Christmas...I have 2 children...why has it been since 1992 since I have had the two of them in the same place for a Christmas?...a birthday?...mother's day?...or any other day that would impart ritualistic appreciation and meaning? 

It's year 2 without Granny and Grandad Porterfield....and year 6 without my Mother and year 14 without my Daddy.  I miss them....and I will miss seeing them for Christmas.

I lost my baby cousin Bruce Leonard Bethune 2 weeks ago.  I had always dreamed one day of having an extended family reunion Christmas again.  Everyone's priorities are too different to put aside a weekend to spend with dwindling family that when gone...can never be seen again, much less put off to later..and by the way.tears DO NOT soothe the pain of a lost loved one. I don't understand people who have no desire to know who they came from and learn about themselves.  I have learned those types of people do not see themselves as others do.  HUMOR..... narcissism is the vilest of vices.  There are too many of those...out there in love with themselves...whoa that disappointment be a doozie.

This weekend is Child number 2; my sister, brother in law and nephew...then prepare for another birthday and another day closer to my last one on Earth....I wonder if there'll be regrets in anyone's heart for postponing, ignoring till its too late a visit with me or my beloved husband Jim....

Bye Cuz..."I've seen fire and I've seen rain....but I always thought I would see you again..." James Taylor

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Deeper Thoughts from Pam Robinson Porterfield: December 9, 2010 I Remember Christmas....

Deeper Thoughts from Pam Robinson Porterfield: December 9, 2010 I Remember Christmas....: "I remember Christmas, ....Once it was an aluminum tree, red satin balls and a color wheel! Primary colors dancing and dispersing, the ..."

December 9, 2010 I Remember Christmas....

I remember Christmas,
....
Once it was an aluminum tree, red satin balls and a color wheel! 
Primary colors dancing and dispersing, the color wheel sparking its magic,
casting a cornucopia of color onto… silver bells.
....
Packages stacked and neatly, organized by nametag. 
Even when I couldn't read them,
I could match the letters and always knew which ones would soon be mine. 
At nighttime on the walls there were rainbows. 
....
Sinatra, Crosby and Nat King Cole spun in circles spiraling hope, love, happiness and family to all who took time to listen.  Daddy had his eggnog and his Super eight video camera.  We were always smiling…..at least for the camera.
....
I remember Christmas. 
....
Prayers switched from God to Santa Claus and often they asked for snow. 
Daddy built a manger scene and placed it in the spotlight season after season.
The year we landed on the moon…the winter sky was the most magical of all;
it even snowed the big one………… I was sure that God was pleased.
....
Eventually, Mama preferred a new white-flocked tree to the crumpled aluminum…
Daddy soon tired of her fus and the old aluminum tree made a shabby and final stand in the den,
But it only seemed in the way. 
Packages took their rightful place beneath the new white tree.
I had no need to separate them now for their tags held no more mystery.
....
The color wheel…. Continued to whirl but now it glistened on new hand-made sequined ornaments, a contribution from everyone…. lighting up bows and ribbons
but its light was being slowly absorbed into the white flocking…. 
Santa Claus prayers reverted back to God, 
"Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow."
....
I remember Christmas.
....
Elvis joined the ranks of Johnny Mathis, instead of toys we asked for stereos and cars. 
Christmas came ever more quickly still  bringing hope, love and happiness
but family seemed to join the ranks of the aluminum tree........
fading and sometimes getting in the way.
....
With the last spin of the color wheel much became scattered and lost. 
The disappointment was aglow on Daddy's face…….
The night the color wheel melted, change came as quickly as Christmases.
Many new lives came as presents, bringing new hope, new love, happiness
and soon a new family.
....
But I remember Christmas
....
Barbie, Casper, grandmothers' country chocolate pie, teddy bears and choo - choo trains…. watching the colors change on the wall, praying for snow.
....
Each year shining like primary colors on a silver bell,
a reflection dispersing into forever so that Christmas will continue………. as I remember.