Go Figger! That would be Southern for "Good luck trying to understand this!"

     Figger this one out... why would an ophthalmologists' office give me a pair of "trial" contacts with 0 prescription and aren't my size? I don't think there are words on this planet that could adequately describe the level of my frustration towards the condescending woman who did this! First she was rude and condescending....but, I'm used to that. People have always ignored and treated me rudely.. Daddy said it was because I am so "perrty"... Mama said "Because you are not assertive enough"...  My Sister Pat says "It's because your an easy mark"!

     So, as I am ignored in stores, bars, restaurants I often begin to pretend I'm a ghost.  The Casper kind of course.... I neither look,, speak nor act out at such things as the RUDE people!!!! I just want to be your friend!!!  AHA yet the rude ones, the condescending ones like the glasses wench who have absolutely no idea in whose presence they are HAH. I could have been your Casper friend but NO! such cruel despicable wenches ...Who does she think she is, The Queen?  Oh Yeah, the Queen of wasting my time.  So I close my mouth, I smile and think... good advice things from my Mama.

    Yet, I sit there and say nothing quiet as a ghost...so she wins and ORDERS these useless pieces of plastic? Orders them special...just for me special.. sweet queen, thoughtful queen , QUEEN of CONTROL OF THE CONTACTS, special for me?...and NOW..I'm supposed to say "OH YEAH BABY, I LIKE'EM, YES, YES YES.... Thank YOU MORE MORE Order MORE!"... OH GRRRRRRRRRRRR...

     Why put them in my eyes?  I'll have to put my glasses on to find my face in the mirror... and  I understand I have only worn contact lenses since 1971... been through the entire evolution of the things...tried hard lenses, colored lenses, gas permeable...soft lenses...bifocal lenses...multi-focals, accuvues, opticon, bio something or another... so how could I possibly know I was just ripped off?

      Have they called me back?  OF course not, because I couldn't control my temper in my voice even after careful practice and planning and coaching by OH YEAH... Mr. Level field....LOL (my husband who can run through every scenario imaginable in infinite myriad dimensions of how I could have possibly been the one that screwed this up.  Oh No...Not QUEEN OF CONTROL OF THE CONTACTS!  Perhaps,...maybe...well I think it was the gritting of the teeth, the shaking phone and and and the flustered fluttering out of my head as I tried to re-boot my crashed computer of a brain.... I supposes I shouldn't have mentioned a copy of my prescription????  There's a new one... Go Figger!